I quite like the ends of years. Time feels different to me around this time of year. Slower. I feel dreamier. It’s summer where I am, and the days are long and hot.
It’s funny, years ending, because time doesn’t stop. The sun rises and sets, the days keep coming. Nothing really ends except this collective dream we’re dreaming that we call a year. Years that feel like true things because we all agree they are real.
So as this dream ends, I’m feeling dreamy. Looking back at my journey through the year that was. If I had to pick a word for it, that word would be ‘unexpected’.
This time last year, I was sharing a house with friends in Brisbane, completely unaware that in twelve short months I’d be living a completely different life. Three days drive, a global pandemic and a lot of different choices away from where I was then.
It’s a nice reminder that I can never really know how things are going to pan out. Any certainty I thought I had evaporated, and I had to get used to living with being a lot more conscious of the fact that I don’t ever REALLY know what is going to happen next.
I used to think I knew – or at least, had a pretty good idea. Days used to be predictable things, and I used to do my best to keep them that way. I remember back in my early 20’s I was so uncomfortable with uncertainty and so attached to the rigid routines I’d created to control my experience of time that if you asked me to have a coffee with you on Saturday morning I’d tell you no, I can’t – I have to go to the laundromat.
Saturday morning was the time for laundry. Fixed. Immutable. I’ll catch up with you after lunch, but before? I’m sorry, I’m busy.
What I’ve learned between then and now is that it’s from the spaces that aren’t known that the magic in my life has mostly come. And so by trying to control my entire existence, I’d been keeping life out, and wondering why my experience of it felt meaningless.
Anyway, here I am, almost at the end of a very strange year, feeling curious about the dream that is the year to come. May it contain boundless creativity, may it contain ever deepening connection, may it contain immeasurable kindness, and may it contain magic that standing here at the end of this year, I couldn’t even begin to dream of.
If you’d like some support on your journey into the dream that is 2021 – send me a message or book a call 🙂 I have a waitlist for 1:1 clients beginning early next year, so if you want on it, let me know! It’ll be a magic journey into the unknown and your life will never be the same…