The Room of No Consequences

Why is it so hard sometimes to take the moral high ground and be endlessly empathetic and non-judgemental?

When someone irritates you, as you are probably well aware - often there's a part of you that wants to fight them or tell them what you really think, or turn around and walk away and never come back. And it's necessary to override those impulses because there aren't many situations where you can slap someone or scream at them or walk out and never return with zero consequences.

So you tell yourself to smile and try not to judge… but that resentment, that impulse to scream - it doesn't go away. It hangs around, making genuine empathy pretty hard to find. And then you feel guilty for being judgy or unkind or not being able to access a state of sweetness and light while you walk the high road and be the bigger person.

So what do you do?

Here's one suggestion: enter the Room of No Consequences.

It's an imaginary room that does what it says on the box - when you step into it, there are no consequences to any of your actions. Violence is fine, screaming is fine, political incorrectness is fine - everything is allowed in there. Be judgy. Be whiny. Be vengeful. Be petty. Be cruel. All of it is allowed.

It can be really hard to even admit there are parts of you who aren't nice, who might want to punch someone in the head for standing on your shadow when you were having a bad day, but all of us have them (well maybe not the Dalai Lama?).

But these prickly parts of us are related to what I was talking about a few weeks back with our defences - they're helping to guard things that are precious to us. And if someone does something that activates our defences, they're going to want to protect us by doing what they do - burning bridges, getting mean, retreating into stony silence. They're not wrong, they're just doing the jobs they've learned to do.

The Room of No Consequences gives them somewhere to do those things in a way that won't hurt you or others. 

So what do you do, in the Room of No Consequences?

You might start by mixing imagination with slow, considered, movement.

What physical impulses do you notice? What does your body want to do? Punch? Kick? Bite? Send lightning bolts out of your hands? Run, far and fast and forever? Tune into those impulses, and see if you can put everything into mega slow motion.

If you want to punch, pull your arm back so slowly that you can feel every single muscle bunching as you draw it back. Then pause. And when you punch, make it slooooooow. This is the most powerful punch in the history of punches, you could hit the world and it would explode kind of power.

Let your body feel that power. Imagine destroying the world, if that feels useful. Imagine destroying the person who's pissing you off if you like (in case it's not obvious, I am not condoning punching people in the face here - I'm suggesting a way to release some 'fight' energy in a way that's not going to hurt any one or cause future regrets!). 

Pause after you've thrown the world's slowest, most powerful punch, or kicked the most powerful kick, or screamed a scream that levelled a city, and see how your body feels. You might feel hot, or tingly, or have a wave of emotion come through. See if it's possible to just allow that - your body is reorganising a bit, after following an impulse through.

Why do you move in slow motion? It's a way to keep you in your body while you move, increasing the effectiveness of this as a tool. If you're punching pillows with speed and intensity, it's easier to check out and not be quite so present with what your body is doing. By slowing everything right down, it's easier to keep the level of intensity, and stay present with how it feels inside your body as you do.

Rest, after your movement. Let your body settle and adjust. Notice how you feel. Drink water.

If it feels like there's more to be done here in the Room of No Consequences, perhaps there's another movement you feel the impulse to make, or perhaps what's needed now is words more than actions.

Making sure you're in a private place where you won't be overheard, speak out loud - you can yell, swear, tell whoever it is that they're wrong, justify, explain, complain, whatever you like. No consequences here - everything is allowed. Speak your mind. And again, pause when you feel done. Notice how you feel - no right or wrong way to feel, this is an exercise in staying with your present moment experience.

It's important not to go into the Room of No Consequences with the sneaky agenda to force yourself to get to a place of understanding or compassion or empathy, but often these things arise on their own when you allow the impulse rather than trying to talk yourself out of it. The need to destroy things moves through, leaving behind more space for the things that couldn't be heard before.

So you might have guessed your mission for the week - if you come across a situation where it would feel useful, try heading into your own Room of No Consequences and experimenting in there. Go slow, let your body tell you what's the right amount (often it's less than you think). And if you have questions, feel free to reply and I'll find you some answers. There's more to this than I've outlined here - but the basic idea is that there are no wrong impulses, often times the ones we judge as 'I shouldn't feel that' just need somewhere contained so they can move through, and when they do, there's more space for conversation, for negotiation, for empathy and compassion and new paths that couldn't be seen before.

Want an art journal prompt inspired by this? You can find one here:
www.ellenmay.com.au/art-journal-prompts/no-consequences