A long time ago in a faraway land (this sounds so much more poetic than ‘in Mexico in 2017’), I lay on a mat on the floor in a room. I was about to breathe myself into an altered state of consciousness to allow my body to move, make sound, let go, heal. As an intention for my journey, I found myself saying “I want to feel powerful”.
Not long after that, I nearly got hit by lightning, but that’s another story (if you really want that story I’ve written about it before – let me know and I’ll send you the link 😉 )
THIS story is about power.
The desire to feel powerful has stayed with me across the years from then to now, hanging around behind the scenes, a little niggle. Occasionally I take it out and look at it. Feeling the shape of it. Turning it around in my mind. What does it mean, to feel powerful? What do I want, when I say that I want to feel powerful?
A million billion different things. Here’s three.
Lately, power means mastery. The feeling I get when I’ve put in the time, I know the game and how it’s played and I know the rules well enough to break them. The concentration and effort and second guessing that comes with learning new things have paid off and in their place is lightness, assuredness, confidence and play. The presence that arrives when there’s no longer a need for narrow, single minded focus on getting it right.
Lately, power means presence. The kind of presence that’s available when I feel safe and when my nervous system isn’t tense and watchful, scanning the room for danger. Presence arrives when I trust myself enough to know that whatever happens, I’ll handle it, and so I’m available for curiosity, connection, spontaneity, laughter and love. The agency that comes from being in a state to respond to life rather than reacting.
Lately, power means agency. Having choices. Making choices that align with the things I want, with how I want my life to be. This is my life, and I get to say how it goes. I’m not living bound to repeat the patterns dictated to me by past trauma, I’m not conforming to outdated conditioning that tells me how to behave, how to dress, how to be perceived as a good girl.
The places in my life that are the most satisfying are the places that combine all three of these things – mastery, presence and agency. I know what I’m doing, I’m present while I’m doing it, and I’m choosing to be here.
And the places that are the least satisfying are the places I have none of these things – no idea what I’m doing, stressed out and checked out, and feeling stuck. But I know the pathway out of those places – and that’s a powerful knowing, too
And she lived, happily and powerfully, ever after.
Power might mean different things to you than what I’m playing with right now. That’s the beauty of it – there are so many facets, so many ways to experience feeling powerful, so many paths to explore. If you’d like some magic to support you on your journey, send me a message or book a call. I have space for another 1:1 client at the moment. What an epic gift to give yourself 😉