What’s working?

There's a concept in Somatic Experiencing (the gentle nervous system regulation and trauma healing work I offer) called 'coherence'. Coherence in this context is a measure of wholeness, as the various physiological systems in the body function together to create a feeling of wellbeing, where we are self regulating in an optimal way. Our bodies are doing what they're supposed to be doing, working as they should.

Sometimes, to oversimplify, I explain it by saying it boils down to 'what's working'. For nervous systems that are chronically under a lot of stress or holding a lot of trauma, there are so many spot fires that focussing on putting out fires really just creates more fire, more dysregulation.

A way of approaching it differently is to put attention on the things that are working - however few and however small - and by doing that, draw attention away from all the fires. Kind of like pulling oxygen from them so they can't burn as bright.

For nervous system work, what you focus on tends to amplify, so if all you're doing is focusing on what's not working, you get more of that. If you focus on what IS working, gradually over time other parts of the nervous system start to fall in line with where the focus is, and you create more coherence in the whole system.

This can be something you can focus on in your own life, but initially, it's also very helpful to have someone who is calm and regulated around while you're doing it, so that your nervous system picks up signals from theirs and starts to coregulate, finding more stability.

If you're not familiar with what coregulation is, my favourite example comes from Peter Levine, who developed Somatic Experiencing. He talks about imagining how it would feel to walk into a room full of paranoid conspiracy theorists. How does your nervous system feel? And then leave that room, shake that off, and imagine walking into a room full of Zen monks meditating on loving kindness. Now how does your nervous system feel?

Your system picks up signals from nervous systems around it, and starts to align to them. That's coregulation.

So your mission today, should you choose to accept it, is to start focussing a little more on what's working, rather than what isn't. However small. It might be a deep breath that felt nice. A smile from a stranger that made you smile too. A hug from a friend that made you feel loved. Notice how these small (or big) things feel in your body. If you like, you could keep a list in a journal or in your phone.

And slowly, if you stick with it over time, notice what happens to your stress levels, to your feelings of wellbeing and wholeness, to your ability to come back to a place that feels okay when things tip you off balance. Get a friend involved and do it together, or if you'd like my support, book in a few 1:1 sessions and we can explore this together.

Click here to book a time to chat if that’s something you’d like to do.

Let me know if you have any questions, I'm happy to find you some answers :)