All I want to do is…

All I want to do is…

I read someone's Instagram post the other day with these words, and it struck a chord.

I sat down to write my own list and it went: read, write, draw.

And that was the end of the list.

About a second later, I got an attack of the guilts that I hadn’t put moving my body on there. Or eating amazing food, or the work I do in the world, or having interesting conversations with interesting people, or spending time outside in nature.

These are still important parts of my life, but right NOW, this day, this week, all I want to do is read, write, and draw.

And when I stopped trying to sneak other stuff onto that list, I felt a lot of different things.

I felt relieved. I’d just given myself permission to want what I wanted.

I felt calm. The internal battle of subtle judgement had ceased. I wasn’t unconsciously telling myself that what I wanted wasn’t enough or should be different by trying to sneak other things onto the list any more.

I felt present. In that moment of acknowledging what I really wanted, I was truly listening to myself, truly present with my own desires, and meeting myself with respect. In that moment, there was nothing to resist in how I was treating myself, and so I could be present.

I felt powerful. I was owning what I really wanted to do. Standing behind it. Claiming it.

I felt happy. These are the things I want to do. I stopped thinking I didn’t know, because the things I wanted weren’t what I thought I should want.

And when I spent the rest of the day reading, writing and drawing, I ended the day feeling deeply satisfied in a way that I hadn’t in a while.

This experience taught me a lot. To feel at peace with myself and satisfied with life, I need to listen to what I really want, and act on those desires.

It gets to be that simple.

What do you want to do? Do you need permission to unapologetically do more of it? If so, let me know and I’ll write you a note giving you permission and email it to you. 

And if you’d like to explore more deeply what you REALLY want, and how to act on those things, I have space for another client right now. Send me a message and let’s find a time to talk and see if this might be the right support for you right now :)